Slipping back to old mind patterns ...so soon!

Ask questions about Paruresis, tell your story, talk about it!
Post Reply
Tim
Posts: 8
Joined: Fri Jan 21, 2011 12:59 pm

Slipping back to old mind patterns ...so soon!

Post by Tim » Fri May 27, 2011 8:26 pm

I recently participated in the Melbourne workshop, once again I was on a high for many days after, I felt I had a logical approach to recovery. I caught up for a practice session with the other participants from the Melbourne group, it was a great night, I had my successes and some failures.

I came away focusing on the failures and it was due to all the basic mistakes (ie. not enough urgency, pushing the envelope too far too soon). All of a sudden two weeks on I haven't been practicing and I can feel the old mind patterns creeping back in. It is paramount that we don't sabotage our selves as the negativity hampers our future efforts.

I just realised reading back over this I'm referring to 'misfires' as 'failures' ...another basic mistake!

I hate how my mind operates! I'm sure part of me doesn't want to get over this.

Thanks for listening.

JohnW
Site Admin
Posts: 97
Joined: Sat Jan 10, 2009 9:42 pm

Re: Slipping back to old mind patterns ...so soon!

Post by JohnW » Sat May 28, 2011 11:32 pm

Tim,
Thank you for your post. It is full of impressive self-analysis, and I'm sure that most of us can identify with what you're saying, and will find your post helpful.

Let me remind you of two things said at the recent workshop:
1. Identify wrong thinking and confront it with right thinking.
(Your post indicates that you're doing this some of the time, but perhaps not early enough: we need to catch ourselves when it's HAPPENING and confront it THEN, so that it doesn't lead us by the nose).

2. Identify wrong feelings, but don't let them dictate our actual behaviour or even our thought processes. So we may not FEEL like going for a practice (who does, just quietly?), but we choose to do it anyway.

If it seems appropriate, next time you meet with the boys in Melbourne, perhaps you can get a discussion going about what you say in your post. With that sort of frank discussion, we may find that all of us are in the same boat, in many respects. What is more, that very discovery can be very liberating.

JohnW

Tim
Posts: 8
Joined: Fri Jan 21, 2011 12:59 pm

Re: Slipping back to old mind patterns ...so soon!

Post by Tim » Mon May 30, 2011 12:39 am

Thanks for the advice John, will definitely talk to the boys in Melbourne about it. I did have another temporary set-back over the weekend at an event that I used as a practice session. To cut a long story short I misfired again, twice. I ended up going to a toilet on the way home and was successful but only after quite a long hesitation. Although this was a positive my head still focused on the negatives.

This morning I realised I haven't been in a good head space in general, paruresis aside. I've been really busy, staying up late, drinking lots of coffee, not exercising and eating rubbish! A recipe for disaster in my book. The one thing I did realise from these misfires is it only takes the tiniest amount of anxiety to inhibit performance, so I need to be in a positive frame of mind going into a practice session. That's why the workshops are so good, you get in a positive frame of mind, you focus on the job at hand and you're surrounded by sympathetic people.

I'm going to try and get down to Melbourne at least once a month, I can see how important it is. Also I will start keeping a diary as you suggested at the workshop, I think it will help me see the fruits of my labour.

PS. Recently I was sure I had waited for about 3 minutes during a misfire, today I set a stopwatch to two minutes and I reckon it was actually only 45 sec to 1 minute that I stood there before I gave in!

Post Reply