how do u practice overcoming sbs

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str8playa
Posts: 4
Joined: Mon Sep 06, 2010 2:20 am

how do u practice overcoming sbs

Post by str8playa » Mon Sep 06, 2010 3:07 am

how do i practice when the only way i can go is if i no for a absolute fact their is no one watching no one is going to knock on the door distract me in any way or waiting for me i have to convince myself all of those thoughts in order to go , if i dont think of those thoughts i could stand their for hours, i dont understand how u can go into a public restroom to practice , i cant even go in the terminals at work sometimes thinking someones looking through the cracks or is gona look under or over listening and thinking what the hell iam doin.. i dont know where to start !! HELP

JohnW
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Joined: Sat Jan 10, 2009 9:42 pm

Re: how do u practice overcoming sbs

Post by JohnW » Mon Sep 06, 2010 10:54 pm

Have you read the book by Steven Soifer, "Shy Bladder Syndrome"? It explains what we mean by "Graduated Exposure Therapy" - namely practising at a level suitable to your present level of paruresis severity. So you practice at a level which makes it highly likely that you will have a success. (To practice at too high a level, where a missfire is almost guaranteed, will not help at all. What we need is a string of mainly successes - whereas a string of mainly missfires just makes the problem worse).

If your post accurately describes your present level of severity, then trying to practice in a public toilet will be a great problem for you, as your post indicates. We all know that we have no control whatsoever over just who else is going to be there when we are there. So your starting point for practice will have to be in a more controlled setting - such as at home, where you call upon some trusted friend to be present for you. (Or at your friend's home).

The session goes something like this: a) make sure you have drunk plenty of water at least 90 minutes before the session b) Have your friend stand in some distant location, far enough not to cause you anxiety c) Stand at the toilet and see if you have any success. If so, stop peeing after about 3 or 4 seconds d) Report back to your friend and repeat the attempt. e) After two or three successes, have your friend come a little closer d) Repeat the process as many times as necessary until your friend is standing quite close.

It may take quite a few sessions before you have success with your friend standing at all close by.

I think this is the way you will have to start. Eventually you may progress to practising in public toilets, but it doesn't sound as if you are ready for that just yet.

Do you live in one of the cities where we have a support group (Sydney, Melbourne, Perth, Adelaide, Newcastle)? If you contact the support group leader, they may be able to suggest someone in their group who could help you in the way I have described, if you feel you have no friend you could ask.

JohnW

stanley
Posts: 6
Joined: Mon Feb 15, 2010 6:34 pm

Re: how do u practice overcoming sbs

Post by stanley » Tue Feb 22, 2011 11:22 pm

Hi guys

John what do you do if you dont have a friend and are too ashamed too tell someone, and too ashamed too use a therapist as a pee buddy, and even too ashamed too meet another paruretics as a pee buddy. I guess the whole situation of pee buddy is too much for me. i have enough social anxiety as it is. My shame on this is so deep that i cant bring myself to do it. I did it with a therapist, that i was forced to see by centrelink, its the only time ive tried it, but it was just so humiliating for me i couldnt go back. He had me go into a stall and wait there and he would be outside the bathroom in the sink area, and patting me on the back saying "well dont mate" just because i was trying, it was just all so humiliating, i really feel that closed me off too pee buddy world.
I guess i just have to skip the steps Steven mentions in his book with the pee buddy, and continue from there. I think he says you can continue from this point if you dont have a pee buddy, but unfortunately i havnt had any luck with my personal exposure therapy.

stanley
Posts: 6
Joined: Mon Feb 15, 2010 6:34 pm

Re: how do u practice overcoming sbs

Post by stanley » Tue Feb 22, 2011 11:23 pm

sorry he said, "well done mate", not "well dont mate"

JohnW
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Posts: 97
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Re: how do u practice overcoming sbs

Post by JohnW » Fri Feb 25, 2011 7:49 am

Stanley,

Thank you for all the detail you have shared in the earlier, long post you sent also on Tuesday.

I think that at the moment I can only make a general kind of response. I am fairly sure that social anxiety is the main driver of paruresis. As "personal" beings as opposed to mere robots, there is a level of social awareness and even social "concern" which is appropriate for us. To put it in other words, imagine a line stretched between two points: at one end of the line there is NO concern about what others think of us, and at the other end there is totally EXAGGERATED concern. For good, personal (can I say, "human" living), we need to be somewhere in the middle. LIfe at either end will be regrettably dysfunctional.

It strikes me that you will make no progress with your paruresis until you have made progress with your social anxiety, which I think is of the very exaggerated type: you are way up at that end of the line. I do think you need professional help from a trained and experienced psychologist, no matter how threatening you find that process. You do need to make some major changes to your faulty thinking (as we all need to do, at times). What possible sense does it make to care what the pharmacist thinks of you if he/she notices that you need the help of some anxiety medication? You are not in a personal relationship with him/her! He/she is not a personal friend. You are merely another customer, who keeps him/her in business. It's like saying, "I won't go to the doctor, because I can't stand the shame of having him/her know that I have something wrong with me", when I would have thought that EVERYONE who goes to the doctor has something wrong with them! The doctor also has things wrong with him/her, but usually they don't tell their patients about it. Oh well, that's just the way the cookie crumbles!

JohnW

str8playa
Posts: 4
Joined: Mon Sep 06, 2010 2:20 am

Re: how do u practice overcoming sbs

Post by str8playa » Mon Jul 11, 2011 1:43 am

oh wow im so sorry for not replying to your response i haven't yet checked up on this page since my last post, i got alot out of your response and i've just started getting serious now ,i figured if im gona take this on i gotta stop avoiding the problem and just do it, will let you know my progress n looking forward to seing results , you da man johnw!! .. ;)

robertz
Posts: 1
Joined: Thu Jul 28, 2011 11:42 pm

Re: how do u practice overcoming sbs

Post by robertz » Thu Jul 28, 2011 11:44 pm

Now I know how to practice in overcoming sbs. Thanks for this thread. I'm a newbie here.
Dining chairs perth love this stuff

JohnW
Site Admin
Posts: 97
Joined: Sat Jan 10, 2009 9:42 pm

Re: how do u practice overcoming sbs

Post by JohnW » Fri Jul 29, 2011 8:45 am

robertz,

Welcome to our Forum. I assume you will read back through the other threads.
I wish you all the best in your practising attempts. You may like to send occasional reports. It's anonymous, and in itself can be helpful, as it reduces the secrecy and shame aspect a little. Also, it may encourage others.
Paruresis can be overcome, but it doesn't happen overnight!

JohnW

Derek
Posts: 74
Joined: Sat Jan 17, 2009 1:57 am
Location: Hunter Valley NSW
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Re: how do u practice overcoming sbs

Post by Derek » Mon Aug 01, 2011 10:27 pm

robertz wrote:Now I know how to practice in overcoming sbs. Thanks for this thread. I'm a newbie here.
Let us know what your web-site is about while your at it.

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