Why is AP - The Secret Phobia
Posted: Sun Aug 16, 2009 6:03 pm
The Secret Phobia.
I was wondering why Avoidant Paruresis is such a secret phobia? It seems that all of us who suffer from it have never been able to talk much to anyone about it during most of our lives.
When I first started to have problems peeing around others in my early teens, I just slowly went into the closet, so to speak. I learned that I could only pee by sitting down in a stall and eventually I would start. If there was a lot of noise, or someone was in the stall next to me, often I would have to wait until they were gone before I could start, or I’d leave and come back later or find another quieter toilet somewhere. This was my survival mode so I could live a fairly normal life.
I never raised this problem with my parents even though I felt fairly close to them.
In 1969, when I was 24 yrs, I spoke to my family doctor before marriage, his advise was that he had never heard of this before and I would need to see a psychiatrist. I didn’t do this and consequently decided I would live my life with this ongoing problem. So then I basically avoided using urinals, avoided long distance travel, avoided going away from home (where possible) for more than a few hours at a time, for 45 years until I stumbled across this web site!!!
Fortunately I had told my wife before marriage and she has been very supportive during our 40 years of marriage, but she never fully understood the extent of my avoidance patterns, and the way it had affected my life.
Since finding out a name for my problem, and that many others suffer in the same way, I came out of the closet. I spoke to my family doctor, a psychologist, a urologist, my four grown up children and some other very close friends and family. It is now no longer ‘a secret’ in my life.
Now with the help of a local AP Support Group (Sydney, Australia), a couple of AP workshops, plenty of pee buddy practice, personal practice in hundreds of urinals, changing my thought patterns using CBT, I know I am well on the road to recovery. I am no longer ashamed of my problems and can speak to others of ‘this big secret’ that I have had for so many years.
How have others coped with ‘THIS SECRET’ through the years?
And - Why didn’t we speak up earlier?
I was wondering why Avoidant Paruresis is such a secret phobia? It seems that all of us who suffer from it have never been able to talk much to anyone about it during most of our lives.
When I first started to have problems peeing around others in my early teens, I just slowly went into the closet, so to speak. I learned that I could only pee by sitting down in a stall and eventually I would start. If there was a lot of noise, or someone was in the stall next to me, often I would have to wait until they were gone before I could start, or I’d leave and come back later or find another quieter toilet somewhere. This was my survival mode so I could live a fairly normal life.
I never raised this problem with my parents even though I felt fairly close to them.
In 1969, when I was 24 yrs, I spoke to my family doctor before marriage, his advise was that he had never heard of this before and I would need to see a psychiatrist. I didn’t do this and consequently decided I would live my life with this ongoing problem. So then I basically avoided using urinals, avoided long distance travel, avoided going away from home (where possible) for more than a few hours at a time, for 45 years until I stumbled across this web site!!!
Fortunately I had told my wife before marriage and she has been very supportive during our 40 years of marriage, but she never fully understood the extent of my avoidance patterns, and the way it had affected my life.
Since finding out a name for my problem, and that many others suffer in the same way, I came out of the closet. I spoke to my family doctor, a psychologist, a urologist, my four grown up children and some other very close friends and family. It is now no longer ‘a secret’ in my life.
Now with the help of a local AP Support Group (Sydney, Australia), a couple of AP workshops, plenty of pee buddy practice, personal practice in hundreds of urinals, changing my thought patterns using CBT, I know I am well on the road to recovery. I am no longer ashamed of my problems and can speak to others of ‘this big secret’ that I have had for so many years.
How have others coped with ‘THIS SECRET’ through the years?
And - Why didn’t we speak up earlier?