15 years of paruresis, gotta change

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jay82
Posts: 1
Joined: Wed Jul 25, 2012 8:24 pm

15 years of paruresis, gotta change

Post by jay82 » Wed Jul 25, 2012 8:55 pm

Hi,

Hello to all, I have decided to join your forum for the reason we all know and do not enjoy.

I have had shy bladder since I was a young teen. It has always been something that has stopped me from being able to enjoy life to the max. I am on the verge of turning 30 and the effect that this awful condition had on me during my more social years has been torturous.

I have had enough and am now about to commence a journey towards, I hope, recovery.

I enjoy going out, I enjoy it, alot. But of course when consuming alcohol the horrible thought is never far away, "what the fuck am I going to do when I need a piss?". Usually I would either be keeping an eye on the toilet door, waiting for a lull to dart in and quickly use a urinal before anyone else comes in, and if they do, then scrap that, zipper up, exit...FAIL! If too busy I would use a stall and sometimes depending on where I am I will go outside like I am wanting to make a real important phone call and find some privacy to do you know what.

I can urinate in a closed stall without a problem, and I know from reading other threads and other articles this is not a feat easily achieved by many, so don't want to sound un grateful. But I want to be able to pee where I want, when I want. People around?? no issue.

This condition is preventing me from being able to do a lot of things. So over the coming weeks I am going to be putting a lot of my own time and energy into turning things around. I believe that I can beat this.

I have read the book about shy bladder and have given the graduated exposure process a go for a brief time a few years back. Like others, if I am busting then there aint nothing stopping me, I could piss in the middle of the MCG on GF day. But when the urgency is not that high then lock up is inevitable. I dont know why I stopped but this time I want to keep going with that method, backing it off slowly to teach my body its okay to piss infront of other people.

I was wondering (and I am bracing myself for good and bad news) what other members have experienced on their roads to self recovery. No changes. Partially cured. Fully cured and time frames. Other tips aside from the water loading/exposure therapy??

In 5 months I am turning 30, I am having a big party with all my friends. One thing that I want to reflect on at this occasion is the day (today) that I decided to change.

I would love to hear from any other members and I will keep you posted with my progress.

Jay

andydiggler
Posts: 4
Joined: Sat May 12, 2012 11:58 pm

Re: 15 years of paruresis, gotta change

Post by andydiggler » Fri Jul 27, 2012 1:52 pm

hey jay,
i have recently gone through a lot of graduated exposure therapy, i will tell you about it quickly.

im 35, i have lived with paruresis as long as i can remember, and 4-5 months ago i decided to do something about it.
i am unemployed so i set out for 3-4 hours practice, 5-6 days a week. when i started, i could only go in a stall if there was
no 1 around, most of the time i had to sit no matter what. i guess i made fairly quick progress, due to the time i was spending
in practice, and after 2 months i was pretty good at going at urinals with others, as long as i was busting. from there i tried for
the next month and a half to go with a decreased level of urgency. basically fluid loading, and then visiting as many toilets in a
row as possible, and emptying out more than a little squirt each time. generally this went well. after the first success for the day,
i pretty much dont have a problem anymore (except for very high stress and low urgency). but the mind is a funny thing. i can
pee with a medium to low urgency all day (after that first success on a practice day) , have no problems, but walking into a toilet
for the 1sst time in a day with anything less than a high urgency still gives me problems. i practiced and practiced, but i wasnt
really progressing any further than that. so i learnt the breath hold, just to get me through when my mind plays up on me.

now i dont really practice. i will go out and pee in public toilets, but im not fluid loading as such. and i am still at that point. with
urgency i can go, but after so many years of bad thought patterns, i dont think i will ever be completely cured. but hey, i can now
go when i need to, and i havent used a stall in 4 months. so i am not unhappy with not being cured, but happy with the progress.

so i guess im saying that, while you may not be able to be completely cured (maybe you can, i dont know), it is definitely possible
to progress greatly, and is well worth the effort.

as for tips, well i think you probably got all the info you need. all i can say is to stay positive. i also started to meditate regularly,
which has helped my overall outlook and so i guess my paruresis. i also find that not giving other people in the toilet a face or a
personality helps. by that i mean, when you look at someone in the face, you generally form an opinion of that person. and if you
have the opinion that that person is an alpha male, like the ones that probably bullied people at school, then a lock up is more likely.
conversely, if its an old man, its easy to pee, cause you think that he is caring and understanding. so i basically keep within myself
when i enter, and try not to look at anyone too much.

try as many different shopping centres as possible. you get used to the 1s you use often.

challenge yourself, but dont get down on yourself if you misfire. its just your mind playing tricks, and the next time you will
probably go in a harder situation no worries. there will be ups and downs, going in super hard situations followed by 5 minutes
later having difficulty in much easier a situation. but its all progress. but in saying that, dont over challenge yourself. do go
from the stall to smack bang in between 2 bikies.

and finally, dont fluid load too quickly. i seem to have developed a reflux problem from fluid loading (i think) too fast. i would
drink 1 and a half - 2 litres in an hour. now i dont know if its a direct result of drinking too much too fast, or it just worsened
a unknown problem, but better safe than sorry. just start sipping water 2-3 hours before you wanna practice.

i hope my experiences can help you some.
good luck!
andy

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