I need some advice

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onlyafool
Posts: 29
Joined: Sat May 05, 2012 5:58 pm

I need some advice

Post by onlyafool » Wed Jul 04, 2012 2:19 am

Ive progressed alot i am astonished ive been able to pee with the door closed with people around and on the side of the road. Where and what should i do from here i feel to scared to attempt peeing at urinal i dont want to move backwards any recommendations, also any adelaide support groups going?

JohnW
Site Admin
Posts: 97
Joined: Sat Jan 10, 2009 9:42 pm

Re: I need some advice

Post by JohnW » Wed Jul 04, 2012 7:31 am

It's good to read about your progress. Congratulations!

I would strongly recommend that after consistent success in cubicles with people around, you start to leave the door open. This has two advantages:
a) It may increase the challenge a bit
b) It takes away any sense of "hiding away", and so may reduce any "shame" aspect.
Realise that in public toilets MANY men these days go straight to the cubicle and leave the door open, even if there is room at the urinals, and it seems that many of those ones are not paruretic, judging by how quickly they start.

I regret that at the moment there is no Adelaide support group operating.

JohnW

andydiggler
Posts: 4
Joined: Sat May 12, 2012 11:58 pm

Re: I need some advice

Post by andydiggler » Wed Jul 04, 2012 2:35 pm

i agree, door open would be the next step. but i would say dont stay at the door open stage for too long. i was suprised how quickly i was able to move from peeing standing in a cubicle, to leaving the door open, then to a urinal. i do admit the there were many urinals, with dividers, and i used the very last 1. but still, i was quite suprised. i think just by standing in a cubicle with others around, a lot of the hard work is already done (in regards to peeing with the door open and whilst hiding away in the corner urinal).
i must add that at this stage of my recovery, i was using the breath hold technique, which i think really helped at the start to take those first few daunting steps. early on BH didnt help when someone would stand right next to me, due to the complete freakout i would have been experiencing, but with a decent buffer zone, it was a godsend.
and now, after months of practice without BH and greatly reducing my anxiety of bathrooms in general, BH doesnt fail me if i do have a little lockup.
so dont be afraid to try and progress, i think you will suprise yourself. and remember that a positive state of mind is probably the most important thing.

onlyafool
Posts: 29
Joined: Sat May 05, 2012 5:58 pm

Re: I need some advice

Post by onlyafool » Thu Jul 05, 2012 2:34 pm

Okay that sounds right thanks for replying to my post, i also find having a full bladder or a good urge to make it easier.

Derek
Posts: 74
Joined: Sat Jan 17, 2009 1:57 am
Location: Hunter Valley NSW
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Re: I need some advice

Post by Derek » Fri Jul 06, 2012 5:27 pm

Urinals are initially very unnerving when you have avoided them for a long period of time.
Generally you have to find somewhere easier first and work your way up - that is what Graduated Exposure is.
If you walk straight into a 3 man trough in a park toilet, where there is traffic around and there is only one cubicle - then that is going to cause too much anxiety to kick-start the process. You have to hand-pick your fights.
The best idea is to snooop around and find a toilet with bowls (even dividers) with 2 or 3 walls - this minimises the chance of someone standing right next to you- and increases the chance of success.
Go when there is low traffic (eg early morning at a Shopping Centre - just before all the shops open), and follow another guy in (eg elderly gentleman) there after about about 30 seconds, and take the other wall and other corner.
My first sucesses in Recovery were at an L-Shaped very large trough, where the other guy was at the other corner.
When I succeeded I immediately did it again about 1/2 hour later.
The first thing you notice when you succeed is that not only have you succeeded, but the other guy at the other corner did not even notice, and does not give a s%%# about you!
When you first notice that, your chances of success will continue to rise.
Sometimes I still have trouble, as was down at Newcastle Civic Theatre last Friday night for a show.
I stood there for quite a while before I urinated, and even one guy started and finished and left while I was still there.
Eventually there was flow, and these were 2 rows of 4 bowls back-to-back.
Once you stand your ground, you realise that nobody else cares.

onlyafool
Posts: 29
Joined: Sat May 05, 2012 5:58 pm

Re: I need some advice

Post by onlyafool » Sat Jul 21, 2012 9:14 pm

thanks for all the replies i have had some missfires so im just going to keep practicing with the door closed i didnt get to practice lately because ive had the flu and only left the house for work, I feel like ive lost some of my progress for not continuing practice. What are the things to avoid whilst on parauesis i was thinking that drinking alcohol may set me back because drinking has never helped me only seemed to leave me with less money and less time to practice. Thanks

Darren
Posts: 6
Joined: Sat Jan 10, 2009 10:21 pm

Re: I need some advice

Post by Darren » Thu Sep 20, 2012 7:47 pm

Keep practicing and incrementally trying more challenging situations. Good luck!

Damian
Posts: 13
Joined: Tue Oct 18, 2011 9:42 am

Re: I need some advice

Post by Damian » Thu Sep 20, 2012 10:47 pm

I have to say I notice that many people go into a stall with open door and never use a urinal, I think that is possibly why the started putting dividers in urinals

I'm trying to master the urinal but only succeed 60% of the time and only if no body is around. Seated versus standing, seated is easiest so standing door closed is a good step up.

Practice is important but don't beat yourself up if you can't.

onlyafool
Posts: 29
Joined: Sat May 05, 2012 5:58 pm

Re: I need some advice

Post by onlyafool » Wed Sep 26, 2012 1:24 am

Thanks for the advice how is everone elses progress going and how do you guys practice?

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