My story

Ask questions about Paruresis, tell your story, talk about it!
Post Reply
Damian
Posts: 13
Joined: Tue Oct 18, 2011 9:42 am

My story

Post by Damian » Thu Feb 16, 2012 11:31 pm

Hi there

I have suffered from shy bladder from my high school years.

As a kid my mum used to complain that i always had to use the toiled wherever we would go, i never cared i just needed to go!

But an incident in high school where a bunch of us went for a cruise in a guys new car became the start of it all.

While driving around for hours i needed to go, the driver stopped not at a servo but on the side of the road, well with them close by i had a freeze up.

After getting back in the car I admitted that I couldn't go. well didn't i get heckled, "how didn't you go" ?

Even a few years later at a school reunion those those who were there remembered that night and had to remind me, " you couldn't go" and the way they said it made me feel like the biggest weirdo.

Since then I had always then on looked for the last stall in the line, never used a urinal. for years.

Then I went on a holiday and on the plane I could not pee for the life of me, after the 5 hour flight I even had trouble in the airport.

For years I have had a problem going without some distress, worried I was taking too long and that people were "waiting on me".

I had seen a Psych to hipnotise me and give me a tape of cognitive therapy to listen to while meditating.

I for many years never even used the tape as i thought it was all bolony.

A few years back after going to a all day music festival, all they had were portaloos and I couldn't use them no matter how hard I tried, so i started listening to the tape and tried relaxation techniques.

On the whole after a few tries it did seem to help to some extent, thought not every visit was successful and multiple tries were requires for relief.

I have only ever had issues using a loo at the shops or a resturant etc. Home and work is OK.

Today after reading an inspirational testimony on the internet i am fighting back.

I was having pretty good success using a stall on 85% of occasions but still always felt nervous and at a concert ill go when the band start so the loos will be empty.

I have without reaching 100 % now pushed myself to try using the urinal.

I can use a urinal if the bathroom is empty but if i see someone also going in after me, ill have no chance, off to the stall for me, which is now around 98% successful.

So in trying to go the extra of using a urinal it had helped me have better success in using a stall virtually anywhere. Yay.

I am doing the urinal thing at work, when its empty and there are no dividers.

I have tried in public and there is almost no times when it is empty so i have no luck.

Not having a buddy I have tried doing the 2 minute thing one day, 3 times over but in the end still had 3 misfires, but at least I put myself out there and nobody cared that i just stood there.

I need to do that more often.




'

Derek
Posts: 74
Joined: Sat Jan 17, 2009 1:57 am
Location: Hunter Valley NSW
Contact:

Re: My story

Post by Derek » Fri Feb 17, 2012 7:43 pm

Damian,
Your experiences are similar to most of us.
Paruresis can start from nowhere, and before you know it - it has generalized and taken a life of it's own - and the downward spiral has now taken hold.
Mine started in 4th class in Primary School, and pretty soon could not go with anyone within earshot or view of me.
At school I avoided the toilets altogether.
Playing competitive rugby league was a nightmare too.
We used to travel up to Singleton in the Hunter Valley every year from Sydney - and can recall where the bus stopped and all the footballers and coaching staff had to relieve themselves in the bushes. I think myself and a couple of females were the only ones that stayed on the bus.
Those are horrific memories, and there is absolutely nothing positive to come out of them.
The good news though is that by attending a workshop, and follow up work - at a Support group if you live in one of the major cities- one can dramatically improve from the disorder.
The word "urinal" -which even the utterance of that word used to send shivers down my spine, can be conquested so that it is no longer your Mount Everest.
Although initially spectacular improvements can be made, one can easily go backwards so work is always need.
I will always still be a primary paruretic, but it no longer controls my life, and can now piss more often than not.
And even when you fail, it is not an epic as it was when it first started - it's now simply a "misfire".
That is where the cognitive changes take place - you know longer see a misfire as the end of the earth that it was when paruresis began it's tumultuous course, and can bounce back quickly and try again knowing that it's hold over you is gone for good.
Get to the next workshop first and foremost.

Post Reply